Looking for the Light

Young girl on the beach near sundown with her lantern

Many may ask- “How would a blog about looking for the Light apply to me?” Maybe it wouldn’t, maybe it would. I know I went looking for the Light until I found it to help me with some struggles.

There is an old saying, “It takes one to know one.” I never understood that until I became one- a struggling person. For instance, I understood that no one knew and understood someone who struggled with alcohol or other addictions as one who experienced these struggles themselves. I think my talent is in identifying those struggling with deep hurts that they may not even know are inside.

Some say, ‘leave the past in the past,’ or ‘just forget things and move on,’ as well as other well – meaning words of advice. These may not be the most helpful suggestions though. Do deep hurts of the past just go away with time? I don’t think I can be convinced of this.

Recently I met more people that convinced me that past hurts that are very deep do not just disappear with time, but shape our thoughts and actions and things that happen to us- in positive as well as negative ways. I find myself wanting to ask, “Were you loved properly?” “Were you protected?” “Can you say someone made you feel like you were the most special and loved little one in the whole world?” “Did anyone squeeze you in their arms to tell you how much you meant to them?” “Were there cruel words spoken to you by others that hurt deeply?”

When seeking truth and the Light, I remembered the nursery rhyme, “Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been? I’ve been to England to see the Queen. Pussy cat, pussy cat, what saw you there? I saw a mouse run under her chair.”

What I realized when I read this rhyme is that this cat was in the presence of greatness and royalty, however, only noticed an insignificant mouse run under the chair. It was illuminated to me that we, at times, disregard the ‘real’ or ‘significant’ issues, while we notice less significant ‘mice’ run under the chair. To clarify, issues with addiction, social isolation, compulsive behaviors, eating disorders, anxiety, and such, are all issues that need help, but they really signify deeper hurts inside the person struggling with these outward behaviors. These deep hurts go unnoticed and unaddressed because so much attention is paid to the symptom of the struggle instead of the reason for the struggle. And to clarify, I don’t think struggles are ‘insignificant.’

I am convinced all of us are ‘bumped’ in this fallen world. We all at times received a less than expected deal or treatment. Whether this was the loss of a parent or significant person in life, abuse of any kind, lack of guidance or affirmation as a child, school traumas, made to feel as if we do not measure up, as well as many other hurts that happen on a daily basis. These can be a cause of significant hurts that remain deep in our beings – especially if they happened when we were young.

I also realize there is a ‘stigma’ in admitting to others that we struggle. For goodness sake, there are medications to make us feel better when we really don’t. We live in a world of Prozac and Xanax to solve all the problems we seem to face. I wanted real answers and solutions and not cover up medications to get me through the days.

And that is why I sought the Light and sought answers in life. I felt misunderstood and abandoned, however, my search led me to the scriptures that helped me see Jesus as being there each step of my life each day. I was touched when I read that now and when I was a child in particular that in heaven my angels were always in the presence of and looked upon the Father Who is in heaven. (Matthew 8.10) I realized He was always connected to me personally and intimately.

Could there be deep hurts inside that have been there a long time? Do you think no one was there when you needed someone to be there? Do you think time has passed and things should no longer bother you, but something deep inside feels confused or sad or do things you don’t understand or think less of yourself than you should?

Keep tuned in for more to come.

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